HOW ARE YOU?

I realized how it had always been about me. My family has always worried about me, checking up on me every second, how am I feeling, am I eating well, have I been sleeping well, have I taken my meds, how my friends treated me, make sure I go to every appointment. Because of my illness I think the focus is drawn only on me. And I feel bad that sometimes I feel like my brothers didn't get that kind of attention as much. I rarely ask how they've been doing. I feel bad that I didn't get to help them first hand and knew later that they've been thru some shit. And now I feel like a bad sister. I hope they know I love them and I care so muchh like so muchh I would die for them in a heartbeat. No doubt at all.

Life is not just about you, it's about people around you too. While you still have the chance, ask them how they've been doing. Ask if they're ok. Show that you care. I didn't get to do this with my late father and I have lived my life with regrets since he passed. And now I realized I'm about to make the same mistake. See, God puts us in a situation for us to learn. Nothing that He planned for us is useless. I've learned a lot  from the past, and now it's time to improve. Just wanna share this with everyone cause we often forget to value what's in front of us until they're gone. That person right in front of you might be looking just fine but you will never know what's deep inside. So, just ask that one question. Just ask. It's that simple. 🤍 How are you?

HIDDEN

Smiles and laughter plastered on her face,
Tears and sadness, she kept hidden in her case,
She doesn't need a lot to leave a scar on her heart,
Even a single word, is enough to create an odious art.

Worries and doubts buried deep in her vein,
Invisible wounds make up all the pain,
Stains and tools, hidden clean under the rug,
Forever will be her sweet-sharp drug.

TO LET GO OR TO HOLD ON

To let go or to hold on
To say goodbye
To say im done
To walk away
To stay
To feel
To live
To pain
To admit
To misery
To understand
To make a stand
To make pretend
To the pros and cons
To let go or to hold on

UNDEAD

Staring at the sky
Feel like I could cry
Reminiscing
Your eyes, your smile, your laugh,
And I wish
You'd stay longer than what life
has set it to be
Now that you're gone I'm alone
and the past is echoing

I miss you so much
I want you back here again
Make me warm
Calm the storm
In my head
I'm so sad

I miss you so much
With you, I don't have to pretend
Drops of tear
Thousands fear
Disappear
And now I'm sad
Wish you are undead
Can you be undead?

UNHEARD

my voice was never heard

I could be screaming from deep below

I could be shouting from up here, "hello"

but what did you hear?

a vague echo

an unvoiced sorrow

the sound of pain scarred by you

the melody of a sobbing girl

left unheard

do you know what was it like to wonder

was I wrong or rather I was wronged

unclear of what happened 

unjust of what should be just

am I at fault?

now I realised, no

I was not wrong for I am sure

what you did was a disgust

your demon claimed out of lust

and as a kid, I let it pass

and as a kid, I kept it; hush

and as I'm older I've gotten wiser

and as I'm older I've spoken clearer

your act creeps under my nerve

your lies do not shut you as a perv

LOVE

For what I call love,
Is when two souls coalescing
Pouring out emotions
Purity
Naked from the heart with no chrysalis
White iris identity

For what I call love,
Is when two adoring mutually
Projecting affection
Fiery
Warmth portrayed majestically
Yellow iris identity

For what I call love,
Is when two lights turned grey
Fabricated as it fades
Honesty
Vitiated by cacophony
Iris of false serenity

JOKER - my POV

It's morning now and this is the rarest act I have ever done; writing at 8 a.m.

Good morning :)

                Last midnight, I spent my not-so-precious 2 hours and 2 minutes (since I didn't really have anything to do) to watch the film JOKER (2019). As we all know, this film was on trending since its first day showing in cinema across the globe. And we all know what it's about. I guess. Unless you were born before the 20th century. (If you are, feel free to google it up)

                So, based on the storyline, the backstory of his life, and his situation. There was really no one to blame except the rudeness and how insensitive people were in the movie. He was surrounded by the negative acts which constantly affecting him in the harshest way. Considering his condition coping with mental illness, no wonder he could throw such a rage.

                 These days on social media, especially after the film was released, a lot of audiences have acknowledged the struggles that Arthur (Joker's real name in the film) have gone through and compassionately understand why Joker was born. But there were several people who were posting all this quote saying "just because you were wronged, you shouldn't become a bad guy” or “don’t be like Joker, we should be like our Prophet Muhammad” – referring to the film JOKER. I completely understand where these so-called quotes came from. I won’t disagree for we should never seek for a revenge or act violently towards those who’ve wronged us but, from my take, these statements were nothing but a pointless, faulty comparison.

                Here’s why. First of all, Arthur, for all we know, suffered from mental illness- by all means, his judgement was impaired. On the other hand, our Prophet Muhammad from what I know, did not portray what JOKER was suffering from. So, it was unjust to make up a comparison as such.

                From the film, all I can say is, “if only humans were a lot nicer”. “If only they would take a moment to read the small card Arthur had with him to explain his condition”. “If only he was not wronged”. “If only he did not have a mental illness”. Note that he had not hurt anybody until he was beaten up by the guys on the subway. From all the bullying, isolation, discrimination and unfairness he faced, we can tell why he finally acted out like that. It was all built up from the start – hatred and anger.

                Mental illness is broad. Sometimes, the condition can be very distinct from what we know. Hence, judgements. People judge things that are different. I wasn’t just referring to the film but our society now too. For those with mental illness, I know it was scary to live life back then, and it is still scary to live life even now.

                I hope humans of all kind can take a positive take on this film. Be nice J That’s the least you can do for someone with mental illness- for someone like him.